Even when our world is falling apart

A SELF ASSESSMENT ON THE 4 AREAS OF SELF-CARE

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When our lives have been oriented around putting out fires and moving from one thing to the next—when our nervous systems have become oriented around fight, flight or freeze—we have to intentionally and with repetition build up our resilience and teach ourselves (our bodies and our nervous systems) that we are actually safe now, and that we can access safety, calm and resource when we choose.

When we are in a perpetual state of overwhelm or stress (hyper or hypo arousal within the nervous system) we are most often operating out of our limbic and reptilian brains. We are in a sort of low level and perpetual state of survival. Aside from this being exhausting and taxing on our nervous systems, this causes a slight problem when we get to a point where we want to think creatively, consider the possibilities for our future, and make positive changes in our lives. In order to think about and envision our desires and goals, we need to be in our conscious brain (our pre-frontal cortex). This requires us to be in a more regulated, resourced state. If we are in a stress or survival state, we will not be able to engage the kind of thinking we need to envision our dreams and work towards our vision. 

Further, our brains and nervous systems are creatures of habit. If we have learned to be in a state of fight, flight or freeze from our childhoods or from other challenging experiences, and if we continue to find ourselves in a near constant state of stress and overwhelm as adults, our systems will fall to that stressful state as default. The good new is that our brains and nervous systems are capable of change! This is called neuroplasticity, and when we consistently engage our parasympathetic nervous systems regularly and over time, we essentially “teach” or “train” ourselves how to be in a calm and resourced state. Over time, we learn we can actively bring more balance to our overall system and set up a different, more regulated default for ourselves.

For many of us, the terms self-care or resourcing are not in our vocabulary. We have spent so much of our time trying to survive, running from one thing to the next, or taking care of everything and everyone else. We are used to putting ourselves last and might even actually feel uncomfortable or selfish at the thought of dedicating time to our own self care. However, tending to ourselves—taking care of our bodies and our state of mind—is the foundation of everything. Without that, it will be nearly impossible to make changes in your life or in your behavior. We simply cannot get into a creative state or shift into the person we want to be in the world without learning to cultivate our resilience. And even if we could, we aren’t much good to anybody or anything if we run ourselves into the ground in the process.

So, as a first step to cultivating resilience in your life, it’s important to take a look at your current habits and behaviors. We’ve gotta know where we’re coming from to make a clear and conscious choice about where we want to go. Below is a little quiz that you can take to assess how you are currently doing in the 4 areas of taking care of yourself. You’ll score how you’re currently doing, and put a star by the items that you’d really like to incorporate more of in your life. 

Once you’ve completed the worksheet, I encourage you to then pick 1-3 of your starred items (baby steps here!) and to actually make a specific plan to incorporate them into your daily or weekly routine.

Be as specific as possible:

• When will you do these daily/weekly?

• How frequently will you do them? (actually schedule them in)

• How will you be accountable to yourself and your plan?

It’s also important to remember why this is important to you in the first place.

• What is the greater purpose that motivates you to live, give or create in the world?

• What is worth cultivating resilience and self-care for?

• Why is this important to you? (write this down and post it somewhere you will see it)

Self-Care Self Assessment Quiz

As you go through this worksheet, think about how frequently, or how well, you are performing different self-care activities within these 4 areas of self—physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. The goal of this assessment is to help you learn about your self-care needs by spotting patterns and recognizing areas of your life that need more attention.

There are no right or wrong answers on this assessment! There may be activities that you have no interest in, and you may think of activities you want to include that are not on this list. Just make a note of them. This is not a comprehensive list, but serves as a starting point for thinking about your self-care needs and how to start cultivating resilience in your system.

Using the scale below, rate the following areas:

1 = I do this poorly, rarely or not at all

2 = I do this okay, I do this sometimes

3 = I do this well, I do this often

★ = each item you would like to improve at or would like to do more often

Physical Self-Care

▢ Eat regularly (e.g. breakfast, lunch and dinner)

▢ Eat nourishing food

▢ Exercise

▢ Take care of personal hygiene

▢ Get regular medical care for prevention

▢ Seek medical care when needed

▢ Take time off to rest and rejuvenate

▢ Get massages or body work

▢ Dance, swim, walk, run, play sports, sing, or do some other physical activity that is fun

▢ Take time to be sexual (with myself or with a partner)

▢ Get enough sleep

▢ Drink enough water

▢ Wear clothes I like

▢ Rest when tired

▢ Create spaces I feel good in (at home or work) 

Psychological Self-Care

▢ Make time for self-reflection

▢ Write in a journal

▢ Make time away from technology

▢ Go on vacations or day-trips

▢ Notice my inner experience (thoughts, judgments, beliefs, attitudes, and feelings)

▢ Engage in new areas (ie. go to an art museum, sports event, lecture, theater performance)

▢ Practice receiving from others

▢ Practice being curious

▢ Say “no” to extra responsibilities sometimes 

Emotional Self-Care

▢ Spend time with people who I like and feel good around

▢ Stay in contact with important people in my life

▢ Give myself affirmations and/or caring touch

▢ Practice self compassion

▢ Say yes to myself and my needs

▢ Do something comforting (ie. watch favorite movie, take a long bath)

▢ Allow myself to have and express my emotions (cry, be angry, grieve, etc.)

▢ Ask for help or support when needed

▢ Find things that make me laugh

▢ Play and have fun 

Spiritual Self-Care

▢ Make time for reflection

▢ Spend time in nature

▢ Meditate or pray

▢ Sing or dance

▢ Embrace experiences of awe

▢ Recognize the things that have meaning in my life

▢ Find a spiritual connection or community

▢ Participate in a cause that is important to me

▢ Appreciate art that is inspirational to me (ie. film, music, literature) 

Take a look at your assessment. Are there patterns you see? Areas that you do quite well in and others that could use a little more love? What would it look like for you to carve out 5 minutes a day to take care of yourself in some way?

Dedicating time and effort to our own self-care can be difficult if we are not used to it. But really, we are only going to be good to others and the world if we are healthy, grounded and balanced. And the world needs you and your brilliance! So tune into what it is that is calling you forward and remember why it’s important to cultivate your resilience.