Dreams of Someday
“You are not one person, you are many people, you are a community of moods and selves under one name. Parts of you aren’t even human, they’re part mammal, part reptile, part rose, part moon, part wind. And life is a question of which parts are dominant—which, in effect, possess you.”
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Man, I’ve got a fierce and masterful Accomplisher in my team of sub-personalities. This part wears many hats depending on the circumstances—and my stress level. She shows up as Manager, Captain, Drill Sergeant, or the fail proof Accomplisher. She’s a real work horse and if you don’t stay on task she can get quite antsy, even downright anxious. Through lots of internal dialogue and mapping my parts out on the land, I’ve come to understand these are all different sides to one part that I will call the Accomplisher.
I truly value this part. She is the one who picked up the pieces when I was young and life was scary. She saw chaos and triaged the situation. She knows how to get shit done. She learned long ago that the way to keep me safe was to take control of the situation, create order and structure, stay organized. The greatest feeling in the world for her is to make lists and cross items off. To be on top of everything. She brought a sense of safety through order to my young chaotic life. Thank goodness for her.
But as I’ve grown older, she has continued to run the ship as though we’re always on the brink of sinking. Those patterns that were formed at that young age chiseled deep grooves into my brain, wiring me to constantly be doing. Tasking away while moments, even days pass me by.
This is my unique story. But the story of our doing, tasking selves is something much more universal. Especially in this culture. Especially now.
Life has become so fast. There are so many things we need to keep up with daily. It’s chaotic. And there is so much pressure to try to get to that place, that goal, that destination, that… Where are we headed? We grasp and we compulsively do.
We so often spend our days preparing ourselves for our life that is to come. Doing tasks that we think will get us closer to a life that we really want, a life that is different than the one we have—a dream of someday. We just do and do without really even consciously knowing why. Just out of habit. We stay safe by doing if it’s what we’ve become accustomed to. It keeps us comfortable. It gives us a sense we are okay, somehow deserving. Perhaps at one point in our lives, doing kept us safe. And quite possibly, now, that doing self is unconsciously running the show. But life is—and always is—right now.
Today. This moment.
“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die; and then dies having never really lived.”
We run ourselves around in circles as if everything on the list is so vitally important that we actually are not living in the ways that truly matter to us—in the ways we envision ourselves being in the someday of our dreams. If you were to drop the list, if you were to live the life you hope to one day live today, what would it be like? What would you do? How would you be? I don’t mean to get on a cruise boat today or buy that old farmhouse or new car. Maybe that happens today. But what is really underneath all of that? What about those dreams of yours makes them dreams? A sense of adventure or exploration? Spending quiet moments soaking in beauty? Connection? Being vulnerable and real?
There is certainly a time for the order and sheer get-it-doneness of the Accomplisher, however that shows up in your life. And absolutely, definitely hold onto those dreams of yours for someday. But also, remember today. Right now. Right before you in this moment. This is what it all comes down to.
How you are in this moment, these moments, is what ends up being your life in the end.
~May you hold who and how you want to be in those dreams dear, and live a little bit of that today.~